11 Comments
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Ulric Beaudin's avatar

This is a superb story. I like how the rooms' behavior, though it wreak death and suffering, seems to have some providential quality to it.

Some of your descriptions remind me of Balzac's in their circularity, like:

"Then Daniel brought the paper up in two fingers, the way you hold something you have already decided not to touch any more than that."

I think you should read a bit of his work and compare it to your own descriptions. It could really elevate your prose.

Gary Mucklow's avatar

Thank you, Ulric - what a thoughtful reading. I’m delighted you picked up on the rooms’ almost providential quality, because I wanted their purpose to remain difficult to classify rather than simply good or malevolent.

And the Balzac comparison has rather made my day. It isn’t one I expected, but I’m intrigued and will definitely do some reading. Is there a particular work you think would be a good starting point for the descriptive quality you noticed?

Ulric Beaudin's avatar

Yes actually. I suggest starting with Father Goriot. His descriptions are rather noticeable in this book, especially those relating to Eugene de Rastignac.

Watch out for descriptions with this structure “[action] with the [epithete] of a [type of person]”.

Gary Mucklow's avatar

Thank you.

Whiting's avatar

Uncanny on parallel lines... That uncomfortable prickle in the back of one's neck. Superb.

Gary Mucklow's avatar

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thanks so much.

Johnathan Reid's avatar

Well, that certainly got me thinking.

Dr_Tee's avatar

Beautifully written ❤️

Gary Mucklow's avatar

Thank you!

Gregory Blair's avatar

This is wild!

Gary Mucklow's avatar

Glad you enjoyed it.